dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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