You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize