What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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