Dude my mom stole all your condoms
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
