all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
