If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
