From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
