That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
