dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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