tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
