i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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