dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
