k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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