If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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