Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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