so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
