Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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