Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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