the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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