I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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