ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
