This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize