At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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