Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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