He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
