What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
