the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
