Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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