What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize