It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
