So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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