shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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