Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
