11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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