we're chasing vodka with high fives
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
