Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
