i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
