whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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