I accidentally had phone sex last night
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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