So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
