the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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