Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize