then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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