May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
