SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize