How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
