no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
