i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
