mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
