he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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