It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
