..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
