You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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