She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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