Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
