One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
