He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
