i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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