i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
