4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
sex in a hospital.. check
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
