Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
