i think my tv is drunk
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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