It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
