my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize