I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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