i jhust puked up my retainher.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
