first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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