Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
try to milk me bitch
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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