At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
