just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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