I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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